Making big decisions can be scary, but here’s a fresh perspective
by Lyssa Myska Allen, who strives to learn how to be happy as she runs this website, DailyHap.com!
I recently had to make a life-changing decision. Presented with the opportunity, I immediately thought: how will I ever make this choice??
The following night, I sat in my car saying to my brother, “I don’t know what I’ll do. And I’m absolutely okay with that.”
“How do you normally make decisions?” he asked.
“I just know. And since I don’t know on this, I’m just going to wait until I know.”
Fortunately, I had friends visiting, and spent a full weekend playing with them, letting the tough decision simply sit in the back of my mind while I devoted my energy to being present with my friends.
When my friends left, I, like a good analytical person, attempted to sit down and diagram out pros and cons of the choices, but as I did, it became clear that I had already made the decision.
While happy the decision is made, it made me even happier to realize that choosing to not think about something, not stress about it, not analyze it, is indeed a choice. Choosing to rest an opportunity, problem, stressor, project, relationship, or anything else is a legitimate and perfectly valid choice. What freedom that choice affords us!
We can be Scarlett O’Hara with her “I’ll think about it tomorrow,” which allowed her to focus on that day’s survival. Let me be clear, though: we are not avoiding an issue, instead, choosing not to think about “it” is much deeper than avoidance, it’s an active choice that shows a clear faith in yourself and your intuition. It can be helpful, though, to give yourself a timeframe—a weekend, a week—off from thinking, while acknowledging that you will eventually deal with the decision, choice, or question at hand.
When we trust ourselves to not to think about it, we can give ourselves the space to process, even if it’s unconscious. Without the frenetic energy around a question or thought, we may surprise ourselves with its easy resolution. We have confidence in who we are.
So trust yourself: choosing not think about “it” is a choice that can be a healthy, happy, and fruitful one.