Happiness, what a bear
by Lyssa Myska Allen, founder of DailyHap.com and perpetual seeker of happiness who sometimes just wants to BE.
Damn this happiness thing.
It’s a lot of WORK.
You don’t get to just be.
You don’t get to just do.
And mess up like a damn normal human. You have to understand WHY, and not just WHY, but the deeper reason WHY, like seven ways to Sunday why, like how some chain of events and insecurities dating back to 1993 affects this exact minute.
It’s exhausting.
When my brother and I were little, we’d get in fights as siblings do. Instead of “punishing” us with time-outs or “grounding” (we didn’t even know what that was), we had to talk things through.
Talk things through.
I remember vividly yelling at my parents: I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO JORDAN! Why can’t we just be PUNISHED?!
Talking was punishment. I DON’T KNOW WHY I THREW A PVC PIPE AT MY BROTHER. It was near me, and he made me mad, so I just did it. It didn’t hurt him. I don’t KNOW any more than that.
Sure, my parents said, you can go to time out in your room for two hours.
Then you guys can talk again.
DAMN THIS TALKING!
Happiness is the new talking.
All this awareness, all this introspection, all the things that make me happy in the end, it’s just talking to my damn self.
And sometimes I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO LYSSA. Why can’t I just be a person?
Introspection is punishment. Oh, you’re striving for happiness and healthiness and inner peace? Screw that, the only way to get there is through all this turmoil and inner questioning and reflection and sometimes that noise is just too much.
Sure, you can act without thinking.
Then, you’ll have to analyze why you wanted to do that. And the consequences.
There’s no escaping it.
Damn this happiness thing.
Image: Some rights reserved by Karen_O’